the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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