**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
