anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
