how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
