the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
