My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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