I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
