Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
