proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
