i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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