we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
