May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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