Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
