I wish I could punch you in the face.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
