C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
