i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
