also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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