I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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