you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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