The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
