I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
