Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
