dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pants are for mortals
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
