The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
