Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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