I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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