its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
