I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You pole danced in your parka.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
