omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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