had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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