you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
