Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
