how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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