me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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