I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize