just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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