i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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