after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
