Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
