yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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