just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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