I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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