I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
