I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And then he peed in my hair
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