ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
