She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
