Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
