The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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