Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
where am i from again
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
