Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
