so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
