I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
