I showed him my bush... on skype.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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