Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
