when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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