Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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