yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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