Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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