This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
