She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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