I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
