im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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