Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
