whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
