addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
