It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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