I didn't shave. On purpose
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
