When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
