Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
