I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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