one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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