So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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